the last 15 hours have been a ragged wrecking mess thanks to my inability to keep from asking questions that I shouldn't ask. I should learn to rein in my curiosity, and refrain from asking questions too soon, questions that make a kind of claustrophobic pressure and sound like desperation.
I guess I want some kind of proof. I want assurance, a kind of assertive security. I want to know I'm hoping for proper, attainable things. I know you can only find proof of these things in each moment, but it's hard for me to keep from wanting it elsewise.