I am not skilled in just taking it easy. in just letting things happen. I've been accused of worrying for sport. but something subtle happened in november, and I've eased up somehow. I didn't try or even see it coming.

and now I don't winnow all the good down to thready fragile bits. I smile wholly. I'm here placidly, all my fragments calm together, not spinning off in twenty taut scenarios of doom.

it always helps to hear it from someone else: we have never seen him so happy, so settled, so sweetly sentimental. and to be told, it is you.

that can do quite nice things for a worrier, for a girl very much in love and very scared of ever having her heart so drained and lacerated again.

and it is just,

it is just good.