present there at dinner: her; me; her strange, now-estranged ex-fiance; my strange, now-estranged friend-fling (though a less light-hearted affair than "fling" would imply. he was visiting for a week, a manic law student who I'd known for years but found out I knew very poorly. he'd become more crazed since I'd seen him last, and he'd developed both a fierce drinking habit and a fearsome pot belly. he was prone to puzzling verbal outbursts. he was a vegan and liked whiskey [all kinds, bad or good, he wasn't picky] more than he should have considering the meds he was on.) he and I had just driven back from an empty journey to southern california: to irvine, to see a friend of his, with stop-offs in l.a. and christmas eve at a very vacant hotel in pismo beach. (I barely need to state it was the most miserable holiday so far.) and we went to my sister's new engagement home, where we all ate tofurkey and my law friend broke the chair he sat on. my sister gave me a heap of tiny gifts and we both felt strange for being in california on a holiday, no less with these two men. ugh. these memories feel too recent. these memories feel too empty.