c called from the florida of asia at three this morning, just as the torrents of rain were starting here. I was sleeping in his bed and he was on his way to the night zoo, to see huge bats with eyes like saucers and lions waking up to prowl the grounds. something about the animals at night makes the whole zoo prospect a thousand times more enticing.
a few strange things have happened between us since he's been away. one is a truly obscene proliferation of pet names. I am not one to propagate pet names, and ordinarily I would feel slightly embarrassed about it, but somehow it's all fine and lovely when coming from so far away. though still, if pressed, I would be red-faced and loath to share what these names are. so, so silly. pure sap & nonsense.
a second strange thing to have happened: our newfound addiction to instant messaging. this too is a little uncomfortable for me. I had always been the cynic about this, clinging to a weird notion of authentic communication or some such, and not wanting to take part in the lol-ing smily-face phenomenon. but my happiness just to talk (so to speak) has found me rapidly getting over that hangup. still, he likes the semi-ironic use of emoticons and i.m. slang to poke at the traces of my embarrassment. we've been having two or three hour type-talking sessions every other night, and, man, how my words-per-minute is improving.
a couple of other nice, strange things seem to have happened too. my impulses toward jealousy, toward feeling like I'm being lied to, toward suspecting that something else is not being told to me (all emotional detritus of experiences unrelated to him), has begun to dissipate, in a really palpable way. which, believe me, is a huge-ass relief. it's pretty annoying for all parties involved to have nearly every argument actually be, at the heart of it, about something that happened with someone else about four years prior.
speaking of that someone else, who has been visiting my dreams more than I like, recently I looked at all the old photos and debris of that relationship, and found myself gritting my teeth, and thinking as I scowled at his brown curls and guileful smirk: I bet you think you tried so hard.
sometimes I still want to punch him one last good one.