I keep forgetting how to do things. like how to put a zipper in a skirt. or spell words right. or not stumble on the stairs. or then again, just forgetting things. meetings. appointments. what we were talking about 3 minutes ago. and this just seems like trouble. more trouble the trouble it's supposed to be fix. see, this is what the trouble is: there's something amiss in the ways my brain works. chemicals and so forth. I can't focus or remember the way that most other people can. and I've been assigned a remedy for this. which I've agreed to take, with fingers crossed and hoping. and this is all that's happening so far. these gaps in memory. a thicker haze. bigger problems. a feeling in my chest that I picture as a hollow tube being pushed into my heart. and, really, nothing helpful. I am trying to be patient. I keep thinking of how there are at least four people, all of them family, who would scream at me if they knew that I was taking medication. for a condition they don't believe in, no less. (because if it's in your head, it's not a problem. ailments can only be physical. broken legs, see? or gashes?) oh. ugh. I am trying to be calm inside this agitated fog, and it's not easy.