that I stopped taking the anti-depressant, the one prescribed to me for adhd[inattentive type], which I shall rename illbutrin. apparently symptoms of depression sometimes mimic symptoms of adhd. apparently psychiatrists sometimes prescribe antidepressants as a way to rule out depression from the diagnosis.
which is a little maddening. to realize that you've kind of lost three weeks of your life to a fog of medicated confusion so a doctor who didn't want to listen to you could be assured that you weren't depressed. which you knew full fucking well in the first place.
I've reconsidered this whole proposition of medicine as a way to cope with my brain. there are blank spots, confusions, and crossed connections in my brain, but the terrain of this confusion is all familiar to me. it is mine, and it has nothing to do with the output of laboratories. and maybe this is preferable after all.