2005-05-04 :: 2:47 a.m.

i forget how to do this.
tonight i pulled my slim notebook-diary out of the wooden jewelry box where it'd been hiding, and realized i'd recorded nothing for a month. more than a month. i used to blame my lack of journal-keeping, during that period when i'd lived with a boy, on the monstrosity of that boy, but you know, i think it's just the living together. it's hard to keep a record at all when your best friend constantly is no less than twelve feet away, no matter how good it is. and also harder when i don't need to kvetch.
i have this sense of mild dread and mayhem about to crash down upon my head, various oversights and misbehaviors coming up for addressing finally, but it is easing up. for reasons more imagined than real, i am afraid. under orders i mustered the guts to look at my credit report tonight. thirteen negative entries, five positive. i may need to be the silent lease-sharer.
i am glad for several things. many things. coupled with the dread is an unfamiliar feeling of promise. i run into friends and think, there is something i need to tell her, something good, what is it. and it's nothing. it's just how i feel. full of good news, which is just that i am happy.
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