where I come in up to half an hour late every day, take another half hour to stroll up the street to get coffee, spend until noon futtering around writing emails and taking my turns in online scrabble games. and then the afternoon turns into personal phone calls and extended moments of blankness, staring at the white brick wall outside my window. because I can't focus when I'm bored (of the minutiae of radical history) and embittered (that I am in effect the fucking secretary).

I seriously don't know what anyone else thinks I'm doing here, but I will tell you: I am doing NOTHING. practically nothing. I take pains to exaggerate the difficulty of all the fuckwit admin tasks I have to do. (no one else knows what they entail. complicated university financial systems, winkwink. you see.) that usually buys me a couple of good hours a day. I hand-delivery every envelope to other uc offices (one hundred percent unnecessary), which grants me pleasant walks to central campus. beyond this, I swear to you, nothing has been undertaken or completed by the hand of me for a matter of MONTHS.

I'm crossing my fingers for a half-time layoff next month. it would be the best scheme I can think of currently. I could retain benefits and still have some steady income, without the soulnumbing burden of coming here every day. something's got to change, certainly. this place and all of us are slowly falling apart.