in that way that crushes will send you to places you'd ordinarily not go, my innocuous current girlcrush sent me to stinson beach on saturday to watch a dance performance in the woods. it was the loveliest most calming thing, walking silently through tallgrass hills above the water into an oak grove where the branches of the trees wove themselves together up high. I have been unusually aware lately of how little time I spend away from pavement, and going out to spots like that feels ameliorative. for so long I had been wanting to wholly escape where I had come from (isolated woodsy wildness) that I neglected placing myself in nature entirely. which was maybe something of a mistake. I want to be in trees now. I want the bugs to crawl across my face.
I had this dream the other night that I was driving in a car with my sister and she'd cupped a bug against the window with her hand. when she held it out and I looked closely, I saw it was no bug but a fully formed and tiny raccoon, no bigger than the first digit of her finger. this was amazing and I was thrilled & scared, and told her to hold on to it, we had to save it. somehow the tiny raccoon was squashed (like a bug) against the window, and I was sad to see its minute mammal blood against the glass. strange.