you know how sometimes you just kind of fall in love with people? in the way where you want to show them everything about you, except probably not what's beneath your panties? just more that you want to be stunning and show them everything wonderful that you can do, you want to be beautiful for them? do you know what I mean?
a long time ago I fell in love like that with a dance teacher of mine. swoony, moony, wanting to be lovely for her. inspired, really. I think of her and my work rises up to be something greater. she is a zone of clarity and beauty, and it's been five years since I've seen her. she taught at my small college in wisconsin for two semesters, the first two I was there; time passed distortedly those days so that it seems I was around her for something more like years. in the spring eight years ago we performed a piece in the basement of the campus pub; she was a force that hushed the crowd and crushed beercans while she danced. all the boys who'd never known what luscious beauty lurked in dance department were swooning over their leinenkugels.
when she left the school, she made an open offer that I should dance with her one day when I was ready. I never felt ready until now. something shifted in my dancing recently, I can't say what exactly. a set of small revelations brought about by long-due catharsis, I don't know. I felt subtly prompted to write my teacher again. just to say, I'm here, I'm doing this, I'm thinking of you. in the second sentence of reply, she said, aha: I have been thinking of you too, wondering if you might like to perform with us this summer. that was all I needed.
so I am going to the green thunderstorming hills of Iowa to dance with her in late July. can I tell you that I am excited.