what a nice mundane surprise it is when you finally get the courage to look at the bank account you firmly believe to be overdrawn (after writing two hundred unanticipated dollars' worth of checks for rehearsal space, assuming they've been cashed immediately, knowing there wasn't enough money there to cover), only to find a positive balance smiling back at you. you thought yourself impoverished (being punished daily by overdraft fees) and really the checks haven't yet hit the bank.
I feel like I should have just learned some kind of lesson but all I can do is feel relieved.
someday (I swear) someday I will get it together.