i am waiting for my body to catch up to my head (in one sense) and (in another) for my heart to catch up to my body. a sense of fragmenting, you know? all these aspects etherbound and a leaden will, stuck dumbly on the ground. it won't be like this soon, i know, but today i am tired, scattered and vaporous, all stringy-apart and dis-integrated. i am tired now and the day will be longer, and longer yet.

i have taken to too many wandering walks each day. too many walks that end in commerce. this is what happens when i can't decide. (where. which. when.) when all the small decisions are too much and i need something to ameliorate the corrosive hours of officing. i come home with expensive pants and new magazines to read. i hunt for perfect shoes, the ones that will solve all attire problems, those that say just the right thing. wandering around, vacant and desperate. thinking, i should probably buy all those books. i probably should. when, you know, i should just go home and close my eyes and be done with it.

give me solution. solace. stimulation. something. we can't keep going on like this.

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